Fall Break

Welp, I'm heading to Vegas for fall break, running around the desert looking for strippers and cocaine. But seriously, my upcoming trip and my generally pessimistic nature got me thinking about the worst things that could happen.  Who knows, maybe if I air them out, they can be avoided?  Or maybe I've just called upon a shitstorm from the cosmic universe.  We'll hope for the prior.  Anyway, the show must go on.  Here's what I came up with:

1.  The airport mistakes my bag with an Elvis impersonator's, forcing me to dress like Nick Cage in "Honeymoon in Vegas" all week.  Then again, I'm not sure what would be worse, dressing like Elvis or falling in love with a woman who looks like a foot (or maybe a horse).

On second thought, I'll rock the shit out of an Elvis suit.

2.  My face looks like this at any point.  Needless to say, if I'm balls deep in mescaline, something has gone horribly wrong...or right depending on how you view the situation.  Either way, here's to hoping there's no fear and loathing in Las Vegas.  Seriously, I'd rather wake up married to a hooker than to spend my weekend "right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo," watching "two women fucking a polar bear."  Thanks for quotes, Johnny Depp, but I'll play Toby Maguire's role in this one.

Is this before the spider bite, or...?

3.  My friend's fiancee's brother roofies everyone, leading to a night of debauchery in which one of us marries a hooker, we steal a cop car, kidnap a naked asian, steal Mike Tyson's tiger, lose our bestfriend, and nearly miss the big wedding.  Oh...right... That's the plot of The Hangover... This is awkward.

Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection.

Anyway, that's all I got.  I guess there's no better way to finish this off than with another Fear and Loathing quote, so...

"You better take care of me, Lord. If you don't, you're gonna have me on your hands."

Addendum 1: How is it that I get a picture of this when searching "Zack Galifianakis peeing in Tyson's pool"? (The only reason a searched it was to link with stealing Tyson's tiger... I swear.)

Addendum 2: More pictures of Sarah Jessica Parker looking like a foot.

Money.

Fucking identical!

Alright! Have a good one, guys. Hopefully you'll hear from me after Vegas, but I can't promise anything...



Vegas!